Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Top 10 Christmas gifts not to get your wife...
I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, so I'll do it in the way I know how... with an incredibly stupid top 10 list!
This is one that... sure to offend some! :) It's a list of Christmas shopping tips for husbands, but for those that miss the cynicism, this should be titled, "The Top 10 Christmas Gift Ideas NOT to get Your Wife!"
Women... I apologize ahead of time! :)
10. A brand new apron. This way she won't get anything on he clothes while she is cooking your dinner.
9. Don't let your wife push around a mower all the time, get her a new self-propelled mower! This way she won't be too tired to cook your dinner.
8. Women love a romantic dinner, so why not take her to a place that says "i love you" And nothing says I love you like a great wing or steak place!
7. You know how your wife loves meaningful communication and a good listener. So this year get that perfect listening ear.. The Olympic digital recorder.
6. You wife would just love a brand new shotgun.
5. You know how hard it is to eat right during the holidays. This year get her a case of Slim fast! Perfect for after and easy too!
4. A brand new Blue Ray DVD player! Wives are all into pixels and screen resolution so why not get her somethign she will love! While your at it throw in a couple of great chick flicks like Terminator & Braveheart!
3. Power tools! The bigger the better!
2. Lingerie... The less comfortable the better.
1. Lastly here is a gift that says I am really thinking ahead. You know it's about to happen, it does very regularly. The gift that says "I love you so much" Midol.
Trust me... This works~!
This is one that... sure to offend some! :) It's a list of Christmas shopping tips for husbands, but for those that miss the cynicism, this should be titled, "The Top 10 Christmas Gift Ideas NOT to get Your Wife!"
Women... I apologize ahead of time! :)
10. A brand new apron. This way she won't get anything on he clothes while she is cooking your dinner.
9. Don't let your wife push around a mower all the time, get her a new self-propelled mower! This way she won't be too tired to cook your dinner.
8. Women love a romantic dinner, so why not take her to a place that says "i love you" And nothing says I love you like a great wing or steak place!
7. You know how your wife loves meaningful communication and a good listener. So this year get that perfect listening ear.. The Olympic digital recorder.
6. You wife would just love a brand new shotgun.
5. You know how hard it is to eat right during the holidays. This year get her a case of Slim fast! Perfect for after and easy too!
4. A brand new Blue Ray DVD player! Wives are all into pixels and screen resolution so why not get her somethign she will love! While your at it throw in a couple of great chick flicks like Terminator & Braveheart!
3. Power tools! The bigger the better!
2. Lingerie... The less comfortable the better.
1. Lastly here is a gift that says I am really thinking ahead. You know it's about to happen, it does very regularly. The gift that says "I love you so much" Midol.
Trust me... This works~!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
How to help your kids handle grief!!
Tragedy is a reality. We all face it at times. The question we might have as parents and youth workers is, "How can we help our kids process this kind of grief?"
My city has been dealing with this recently as three young people were killed in a car wreck. The intriguing thing I'm noticing is the different advice we're hearing about helping kids deal with this.
The Sacramento Bee newspaper offered some interesting observations in their recent article about the incident, noting that teenagers don't grieve like adults. The article contends that teenagers bury their feelings deep because of the pressure to look good and seem confident.
I'm not sure I agree with that generalization at all. I have seen plenty of evidence to the contrary, where kids will almost have complete meltdowns over even trivial matters. Youth workers like to call this "drama." We've all seen it. Billy breaks up with Ali and Ali reacts no better than "Bella" in the recent movie New Moon... complete emotional breakdown.
I think some teenagers probably do have a propensity to repress feelings or "gunnysack," but I wouldn't try to rubberstamp that as a diagnosis for all teenagers. It would be difficult to generalize "all students" as grieving one way. Students are so diverse in how they process things.
But the same Bee article also noted something I found quite interesting- something I definitely have observed mainstream- the desire teenagers have to just be together and process grief with their friends.
"A lot of times, kids don't necessarily want to talk, they just want to be together," said Lissa Morgan, counselor at Rocklin. "They just want to go into the room and feel supported by one another."
A steady rotation of students filled a conference room at Rocklin on Monday and Tuesday, where chaplains and counselors were on call. Most students sat quietly, Morgan said, or signed a poster with notes to Pak, a junior who died in the car crash.
Students at Folsom also taped a banner to an outside wall for Shaw, a senior who died in the crash. Throughout the day, students picked up Crayola markers to write notes or draw pictures. Or they gathered at the wall to share memories of Shaw.
"You didn't have to know him for this to affect you," said Yasi Saderi, 17, senior class president, who plans to give the completed banner to Shaw's mother. "We wanted everyone to express what they felt."
The wall is especially effective for teens, White said, because it gives them permission to express their feelings without being put on the spot. Reading others' comments helps teens understand their own feelings.
Lane Palmer has a counseling background and was a youth pastor in Columbine during the 1999 incident. Lane, a regular contributor to our website, has written articles for us about dealing with school shooting tragedies and how to process this kind of grief as a group. Lane chimed in on this particular Sacramento Bee article and how students can process grief in a healthy way:
Every teen to some extent will go through the grieving period during adolescence, so youth workers need to be aware and ready to help. It could be the death of a parent, friend suicide, or even a grieving of moving out of childhood. It’s a great opportunity to help students understand and process both the joys and loss that relationships and life brings.
I agree that letting the teens just ‘hang out’ and process on a peer level is important, but equally important is encouraging them to process their feelings in some way- talking, journaling, drawing, etc. With some of the Columbine students, I just sat and let the conversation flow.
Avoid any ‘you need to be strong’ or ‘you need to move on’ stuff. Every teen grieves in a different way and time.
I think hanging a huge butcher paper in the youth room and make a general opportunity to write thoughts, names, struggles, etc. would be a great thing for any youth group
Great advice from Lane.
You can check out the entire Sacramento Bee article here. http://ping.fm/gMXKi
My city has been dealing with this recently as three young people were killed in a car wreck. The intriguing thing I'm noticing is the different advice we're hearing about helping kids deal with this.
The Sacramento Bee newspaper offered some interesting observations in their recent article about the incident, noting that teenagers don't grieve like adults. The article contends that teenagers bury their feelings deep because of the pressure to look good and seem confident.
I'm not sure I agree with that generalization at all. I have seen plenty of evidence to the contrary, where kids will almost have complete meltdowns over even trivial matters. Youth workers like to call this "drama." We've all seen it. Billy breaks up with Ali and Ali reacts no better than "Bella" in the recent movie New Moon... complete emotional breakdown.
I think some teenagers probably do have a propensity to repress feelings or "gunnysack," but I wouldn't try to rubberstamp that as a diagnosis for all teenagers. It would be difficult to generalize "all students" as grieving one way. Students are so diverse in how they process things.
But the same Bee article also noted something I found quite interesting- something I definitely have observed mainstream- the desire teenagers have to just be together and process grief with their friends.
"A lot of times, kids don't necessarily want to talk, they just want to be together," said Lissa Morgan, counselor at Rocklin. "They just want to go into the room and feel supported by one another."
A steady rotation of students filled a conference room at Rocklin on Monday and Tuesday, where chaplains and counselors were on call. Most students sat quietly, Morgan said, or signed a poster with notes to Pak, a junior who died in the car crash.
Students at Folsom also taped a banner to an outside wall for Shaw, a senior who died in the crash. Throughout the day, students picked up Crayola markers to write notes or draw pictures. Or they gathered at the wall to share memories of Shaw.
"You didn't have to know him for this to affect you," said Yasi Saderi, 17, senior class president, who plans to give the completed banner to Shaw's mother. "We wanted everyone to express what they felt."
The wall is especially effective for teens, White said, because it gives them permission to express their feelings without being put on the spot. Reading others' comments helps teens understand their own feelings.
Lane Palmer has a counseling background and was a youth pastor in Columbine during the 1999 incident. Lane, a regular contributor to our website, has written articles for us about dealing with school shooting tragedies and how to process this kind of grief as a group. Lane chimed in on this particular Sacramento Bee article and how students can process grief in a healthy way:
Every teen to some extent will go through the grieving period during adolescence, so youth workers need to be aware and ready to help. It could be the death of a parent, friend suicide, or even a grieving of moving out of childhood. It’s a great opportunity to help students understand and process both the joys and loss that relationships and life brings.
I agree that letting the teens just ‘hang out’ and process on a peer level is important, but equally important is encouraging them to process their feelings in some way- talking, journaling, drawing, etc. With some of the Columbine students, I just sat and let the conversation flow.
Avoid any ‘you need to be strong’ or ‘you need to move on’ stuff. Every teen grieves in a different way and time.
I think hanging a huge butcher paper in the youth room and make a general opportunity to write thoughts, names, struggles, etc. would be a great thing for any youth group
Great advice from Lane.
You can check out the entire Sacramento Bee article here. http://ping.fm/gMXKi
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Join us Live today at Victory Church LIVE for out Christmas Special!!
http://ping.fm/jMudM
http://ping.fm/jMudM
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The Lost Art...
“I can live for two months on one good compliment.” – Mark Twain
We live in a pretty ungrateful society. From your boss, to the parents you try to please, to the students you love, rarely will you ever get all the affirmation you deserve. Let me take a minute to tell you that while I challenge you to continue to cultivate the art of affirmation in your ministry, I want to encourage you. I apologize for all the times you’ve waited too long to receive a decent compliment. Cheesy though it may sound, I mean it when I say that I think you’re amazing, and you really are doing a great job.
The Bible says that we don’t even give a cup of cold water away in Jesus’ name without receiving our reward. When you don’t hear the praise of those around you, remember that Jesus is clapping; and all those secret sacrifices you’ve made will be rewarded.
I’ve always said that a hungry need is a dangerous need. One of the greatest needs I think our students have is the need for affirmation. It’s the reason many of them try to date a bunch of people or give their hearts away too soon and to the wrong person. Early on in youth ministry, I worked to make affirmation a part of my own spiritual DNA. Because it is something I so wanted, it had to be something I’ve worked to give away. As I look back, I would say much of the success we’ve had in youth ministry is because we’ve chosen to build an affirming environment among our staff, our leaders, and our students.
Consciously look for things to praise and be honest and genuine in your affirmation. You will see your students begin to respond, to gain confidence, and to see themselves in the amazing way that God sees them.
We live in a pretty ungrateful society. From your boss, to the parents you try to please, to the students you love, rarely will you ever get all the affirmation you deserve. Let me take a minute to tell you that while I challenge you to continue to cultivate the art of affirmation in your ministry, I want to encourage you. I apologize for all the times you’ve waited too long to receive a decent compliment. Cheesy though it may sound, I mean it when I say that I think you’re amazing, and you really are doing a great job.
The Bible says that we don’t even give a cup of cold water away in Jesus’ name without receiving our reward. When you don’t hear the praise of those around you, remember that Jesus is clapping; and all those secret sacrifices you’ve made will be rewarded.
I’ve always said that a hungry need is a dangerous need. One of the greatest needs I think our students have is the need for affirmation. It’s the reason many of them try to date a bunch of people or give their hearts away too soon and to the wrong person. Early on in youth ministry, I worked to make affirmation a part of my own spiritual DNA. Because it is something I so wanted, it had to be something I’ve worked to give away. As I look back, I would say much of the success we’ve had in youth ministry is because we’ve chosen to build an affirming environment among our staff, our leaders, and our students.
Consciously look for things to praise and be honest and genuine in your affirmation. You will see your students begin to respond, to gain confidence, and to see themselves in the amazing way that God sees them.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Will Adam Lambert's Antics Wake Up Parents?
It seemed like just another typical American Music Awards. Rihanna revealed...too much, Jay Z rapped about how great he is, Shakira did her little hip thing with a mic stand (I think I saw the mic stand smoking a cigarette just moments later), Gaga... well... was Gaga. But then, to top the night off, Adam gave one of the most graphically sexual performances I have ever seen on network TV.
I'm not talking about one incident...it was throughout the whole performance. Lambert grabbed one of his dancers head and simulated oral sex, he kissed a male band member in true 'Britney-Madonna' fashion, dragged dancers on a leash, and even flipped off the audience. Apparently West coast audiences didn't get to see some of the antics.
It seems that artists are testing the waters and seeing just how far they can push the envelope. That's what the rest of the entertainment industry is doing (Hey! Normal sex isn't even selling big anymore, let's try threesomes!)
The thing that has me scratching my head is, "Why are people so shocked?" Don't get me wrong... I'm glad that people are raising the questions as to if this is appropriate to show on TV. I'm just laughing that people have no problem with everything else we allow on TV.
Is this really that surprising?
Lambert wasn't shy about retorting to some of the criticism, calling it a double standard since women performers have been "pushing the envelope" for decades.
Some people are definitely upset, with almost every media outlet chiming in about the incident. USA TODAY is taking a poll: entertainment, or over the top?
I definitely think it's over the top. But so was Shakira... so were about 20 moments during the last MTV VMA's, so is every episode of CBS's Two and a Half Men.
Hmmmmmmm.
Maybe this will wake up some of the parents around the world as to what we are teaching this young generation.
I'm not talking about one incident...it was throughout the whole performance. Lambert grabbed one of his dancers head and simulated oral sex, he kissed a male band member in true 'Britney-Madonna' fashion, dragged dancers on a leash, and even flipped off the audience. Apparently West coast audiences didn't get to see some of the antics.
It seems that artists are testing the waters and seeing just how far they can push the envelope. That's what the rest of the entertainment industry is doing (Hey! Normal sex isn't even selling big anymore, let's try threesomes!)
The thing that has me scratching my head is, "Why are people so shocked?" Don't get me wrong... I'm glad that people are raising the questions as to if this is appropriate to show on TV. I'm just laughing that people have no problem with everything else we allow on TV.
Is this really that surprising?
Lambert wasn't shy about retorting to some of the criticism, calling it a double standard since women performers have been "pushing the envelope" for decades.
Some people are definitely upset, with almost every media outlet chiming in about the incident. USA TODAY is taking a poll: entertainment, or over the top?
I definitely think it's over the top. But so was Shakira... so were about 20 moments during the last MTV VMA's, so is every episode of CBS's Two and a Half Men.
Hmmmmmmm.
Maybe this will wake up some of the parents around the world as to what we are teaching this young generation.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Sexting??
I think sexting is probably one of the biggest youth culture issues addressed by the news-media in the last year. http://ping.fm/fSGJt even this week when we saw another suicide that began from a sexting incident.
Now MTV/Associated Press has taken a poll and shared their findings. I always find it ironic that MTV is doing these studies. I understand why they want to know this information-- so they can better understand the generation that they are pimping their smut too-- but I just wonder how MTV execs sleep at night when they discover the truth from all these polls.
Even Conan O Brian joked about this in his monologue last night, commenting that MTV was recommending that kids don't participate in sexting. He jested, "MTV says there's a time and a place to share these intimate moments... and that's on one of our 17 reality shows!" :)
Anyway... the AP article reporting on this study shares that more than a quarter of young people have been involved in sexting in some form. I also found it interesting that only about half of the kids surveyed saw the issue as a big problem.
The article goes on to talk about the teen brain, arguing that teenage brains are not quite mature enough to make good decisions:
Research shows teenage brains are not quite mature enough to make good decisions consistently. By the mid-teens, the brain's reward centers, the parts involved in emotional arousal, are well-developed, making teens more vulnerable to peer pressure.
But it is not until the early 20s that the brain's frontal cortex, where reasoning connects with emotion, enabling people to weigh consequences, has finished forming.
Beyond feeling invincible, young people also have a much different view of sexual photos that might be posted online, Bogle said. They don't think about the idea that those photos might wind up in the hands of potential employers or college admissions officers, she said.
"Sometimes they think of it as a joke; they have a laugh about it," Bogle said. "In some cases, it's seen as flirtation. They're thinking of it as something far less serious and aren't thinking of it as consequences down the road or who can get hold of this information. They're also not thinking about worst-case scenarios that parents might worry about."
You can read the whole AP article here. ( http://ping.fm/2LnES )
Bottom line: continue to talk with our kids about these issues.
Now MTV/Associated Press has taken a poll and shared their findings. I always find it ironic that MTV is doing these studies. I understand why they want to know this information-- so they can better understand the generation that they are pimping their smut too-- but I just wonder how MTV execs sleep at night when they discover the truth from all these polls.
Even Conan O Brian joked about this in his monologue last night, commenting that MTV was recommending that kids don't participate in sexting. He jested, "MTV says there's a time and a place to share these intimate moments... and that's on one of our 17 reality shows!" :)
Anyway... the AP article reporting on this study shares that more than a quarter of young people have been involved in sexting in some form. I also found it interesting that only about half of the kids surveyed saw the issue as a big problem.
The article goes on to talk about the teen brain, arguing that teenage brains are not quite mature enough to make good decisions:
Research shows teenage brains are not quite mature enough to make good decisions consistently. By the mid-teens, the brain's reward centers, the parts involved in emotional arousal, are well-developed, making teens more vulnerable to peer pressure.
But it is not until the early 20s that the brain's frontal cortex, where reasoning connects with emotion, enabling people to weigh consequences, has finished forming.
Beyond feeling invincible, young people also have a much different view of sexual photos that might be posted online, Bogle said. They don't think about the idea that those photos might wind up in the hands of potential employers or college admissions officers, she said.
"Sometimes they think of it as a joke; they have a laugh about it," Bogle said. "In some cases, it's seen as flirtation. They're thinking of it as something far less serious and aren't thinking of it as consequences down the road or who can get hold of this information. They're also not thinking about worst-case scenarios that parents might worry about."
You can read the whole AP article here. ( http://ping.fm/2LnES )
Bottom line: continue to talk with our kids about these issues.
Friday, December 4, 2009
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